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  • John Carey - Celebrant

When stuff doesn't go to plan!

Updated: Sep 27, 2020

If you have reached the point in your life where you and your special person are ready to bring a crowd together to celebrate your decision to marry, and you have had to change course, can I remind, encourage, poke you in the eye and say "this remains one of the most admirable of moments humans continue to invest in"!

Short of living under a rock or upholding a mystic belief that if you sit cross legged for many hours each day you will be exempt from hard times, you will know by now, that life isn't a script or conforms to any guru's suggested script! It's a journey, and at times it can be simply UNFAIR! It can rain, hail or send plagues (even COVID-19) to mess up your Plan A!

It is perfectly normal that evenly balanced humans can feel like they are on an out of control rollercoaster of emotions during such times! That's called grief, and it is so important we reach out to one another if that is how we feel. When we lose something special, it is important we hold on to others to help us across to the other side! It is still a real place!

The learnings from walking alongside couples for the last 20 years as they enter into one of the richest relationships possible, marriage, is that a shat upon Plan A isn't the end of the dream! It can be the moment that changes you forever, and triggers a better Plan B that exceeds Plan A! My learnings have been enriched in the last 12 months by sharing in the moments of loss when a spouse's life has ended unexpectedly.

I regularly share with people the story of Eri (aka "Her Majesty", or how I'm commonly referred to when I meet people in the South Burnett "oh you're Eri's husband!") and I walked through at the time our number 2 child, up against an enormous set of physical obstacles, decided it was their time to arrive on planet Earth! We held little hope 24 years and 9 months ago that number 1 child would ever have a breathing sibling vs just stuffed toys to play with earth side! But here we are on the other side!

32 years and many sleepless, joyous and proud moments later, I have edited the imagined book I lived before children titled "My Perfect Life", to now read "My Perfect Life...NOT!" (copies may be available if COVID-19 lingers!)

All this to say, the most important thing to focus on, give energy to in these uncertain times is to give of yourself to those things that remain long past COVID-19 - the relationships you began life with, the relationship you formed along the way and those relationships that will hold your hand until all the days of our life are done!

Live everyone of those as if "today is that day!"

If an ear is needed during this difficult time in our universe's existence please reach out.

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